What Can Help Me Achieve My “New Year, New Me” Goals This Year?
Happy New Year, Everyone! During this time of year, most people have probably heard the phrase “New year, new you!” Thus, many new year’s resolutions focus on some form of self-improvement, which can be a tough change to navigate. So, what can help us make it happen this year?
Well, to make this kind of change, most of us probably come up with a goal and then focus our attention on the steps we need to take to achieve it. Instead of getting hyper-focused on the external steps, I invite you to take a moment to bring your awareness to the internal process that you have when you are trying to make this change or “self-improvement” happen.
Which type of internal process is more beneficial for our mental health and general well-being?
A) A harsh battle.
or
B) A gentle conversation.
You guessed it, it’s B! So, how do we do that?
One of the best ways is to ditch “self-improvement” and focus instead on self-acceptance. Wait, that doesn’t sound right, does it? Well, as stated by renowned humanistic psychologist, Carl Rogers, “The curious paradox is that when I accept myself just as I am, then I can change.”
Somehow, somewhere, at some point in our lives, many of us learned that changing or improving ourselves means “there is a part of me that is bad, and it needs to go away in order for me to become the person I want to be.” This thought, while trying to be helpful, may be the thing we need to let go of to reach those “New year, new you” goals.
When we judge part of ourselves to be “bad” (examples listed below) we might then say “I don’t like this part of me” which makes that part of us feel under attack.
the part that endlessly scrolls social media
the part that worries “too much”
the part that enjoys an extra sweet treat
the part that prefers sleeping in
And then change or self-improvement becomes an inner battle that brings harshness, frustration, and stress, just to name a few things. Sound familiar? Let’s look at a different way to do it then!
Reframe how you see these parts of you. They aren’t “bad”. They have made their way into your life for a reason.
These “bad” parts have found a temporary (note the word temporary here) way to meet our needs. For example, scrolling social media may indeed temporarily fulfill a need for social connection. Is it bad to need social connection? No. So, the part of us that engages in these activities which temporarily meet a need is not an enemy to eliminate. Instead, it is a part that offers some insight into what our needs are. What a wonderful thing to have!
So, getting curious about these parts, getting closer to them, leaning in, befriending them, and accepting them is how you can enter a gentle conversation instead of a harsh battle. Start with these steps.
Step 1: Acknowledge “I see you (this part of me).”
Step 2: Accept “It’s okay for you (this part of me) to exist, you are here for a reason.”
When you allow those formerly labeled “bad” parts to be there, they can then be part of your “New year, new you” journey of change.
Step 3: Gently ask this part of you some questions.
What unmet need are you temporarily fulfilling?
What are you afraid will happen if I make the change I want for myself this year?
Step 4: Listen for the answers non-judgmentally, like you would listen to a close friend.
When self-acceptance is present, then change becomes a much more peaceful process that feels more calm, open, and connected to our inner wisdom. All these things are very beneficial for our mental health and wellbeing and ultimately, will indeed lead to a “new you.”
If you find yourself feeling a bit stuck with the concept of self-acceptance, how to engage in a gentle conversation with yourself, or setting goals for the new year, I am happy to connect to help you move through it, non-judgmentally, curiously, and mindfully!
